Tag: Relationships

6 Ways to Establish A Sense of Self-Worth (Apart from Relying on Others’ Opinions)

July 16

By Joel Ybarra, LCMFT

One of the most common questions I run into working with people is, “How do I establish a sense of self-worth not based on what other people think?” Most of us understand we shouldn’t be defined by others – what they say or think about us – but we don’t readily know how to establish a sense of value in a more legitimate way. After working for 20 years to help people improve their sense of self, I have gathered that there are actually multiple dimensions that can give us a sense of worth and value.

… Read more

“Because I Said So”: Instilling Confidence and Healthy Decision-Making in Our Children

June 12

By Seth Hock, LMFT

We have all been there, on both sides of the conversation – the ongoing negotiation between parents and children, when parents are asking children to do something they may not want to do. As parents, we can be exasperated from the arguments, power struggles, and the constant reminders to do something. The voice, oh so familiar, broadcasts the same tired message. It reverberates through our headspace like an ancient echo: “How many times do I have to ask or tell them to listen?”

Children, at times in innocent ignorance and at other times in stubborn defiance, … Read more

A Single Tree Podcast #10 – The Evolution/Development of The Self: Assimilating Feedback from Our Environment

December 20

Listen below to episode 10 of A Single Tree Podcast about the development and evolution of the self. Find all episodes and subscribe on Soundcloud or iTunes. Also, find the podcast on facebook here.

Description: We form ideas of ourselves through interaction with our environment. The relationships we have with people around us and the feedback we get from our environment reflect back to us important information. We form impressions of ourselves which are discarded as we grow and develop. It’s important to know ourselves and be exactly who we are, and be willing to surrender these … Read more

Practicing Empathy and Differentiation When Helping

December 11

By Joel Ybarra, LCMFT

Some would say the largest part of being able to help others is empathizing with them, but it’s important we’re able to do this in a helpful and constructive way. Empathy is often defined as being able to see through another’s eyes. It’s amazing – we’re able to “read” and recreate the internal experience of another within ourselves by observing their facial expressions and imagining what we might feel in their place. You can see how it may be easy to get too emotionally involved.

There are some different ways we get “too involved.” Sometimes we … Read more

6 Tips for Handling the Holiday Hullabaloo

November 15

We all encounter it – the craziness of the holidays. They’re upon us, and we wanted to share a few tips for looking after yourself and your loved ones these holidays. The world around you will speed up and there’ll be pressures and stresses that come around each year about this time. Maybe do a few of these things this year to stay healthy, and make your holidays better!

  1. Acknowledge how you are feeling – if you recently experienced a loss, trauma, or other difficulty, let those who care about you know how you are feeling. We all need support.
… Read more

Should I Try to Change My Partner? The Paradox in Couple Relationships

November 5

By Joel Ybarra, LCMFT

It is common for couples to wonder whether they should try to “change” one another. At times, partners are merely making simple requests of one another, such as asking for a hand with the groceries, but other times, it may seem like they’re asking their partner to change part of their personality. Couple relationships are a delicate balance between accepting our partners for who they are and seeking to get our own “needs” met. The best relationships are the ones in which there is unconditional acceptance, so where do our needs and desires (or even simple … Read more

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Adult and Teen Groups Enrolling Now

July 17

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills Training Group is now open for new members to join both our Adult and Adolescent groups!

Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is a broad-based cognitive behavioral treatment aimed to enhance your ability to regulate emotions, improve interpersonal relationships and crisis management skills.  Emotion dysregulation has been linked to a variety of mental health concerns stemming from patterns of instability in emotional management, lack of impulse control, ineffective interpersonal relationships, and a distorted self-image.  Helping clients find true balance in emotion, thoughts, and behavior and/or choices is the fundamental practice of DBT.

DBT Skills Training Group is … Read more

Real Life Counseling Challenges Other Businesses to Maximize Health And Creativity, Not Just Profits

December 29

At Real Life Counseling, we are starting a campaign to challenge ourselves and others to build businesses that are healthy and creative, not just profitable. In a LinkedIn article “What If The Purpose of Business Is Creativity, Not Wealth Extraction,”[1] John Battelle questions the common understanding that businesses exist solely to deliver profits to shareholders. As we manage and work in business, we reach points where we must balance profit objectives with values that focus on the health of our organizations, the people within them and the community around us. Maximizing profits is not always opposed to creativity, but … Read more

Your Couple Relationship: Everything Right There In Front of You

September 14

By Joel Ybarra, LCMFT

Most couples, at some point in their relationship, have difficulty developing, deepening or sustaining intimacy. Contrary to the beliefs of the couples themselves, the intimacy is probably already there in their relationship and can be experienced just by stepping back and providing the space for it to develop (and avoiding the typical raging upset that occurs when it is gone). The problem is there are usually interactions that come between partners that prevent the intimacy from coming forth.

Most couples come into therapy reporting some version of this story: “When we first got together, we were … Read more

When It’s Time To Go To Therapy

September 13

When you need a safe place to take a look at yourself and where your life is going.

When you’re ready to ask the “big questions.”

When you need some outside perspective from someone not overly involved.

When your stress/emotional stuff is affecting your physical health or you can feel it in your body.

When stress is affecting your work and relationships.

When you are stuck in the same old tired pattern.

When you are ready to enter a new phase in your life and you need a little help getting there.

When you are ready to have help that … Read more

The Importance of Trusting Ourselves

December 21

As we come to the end of this year and get ready to start the next, it is normal for us to be thinking of things we need to try to do differently. Many of us have made resolutions or set goals for ourselves in the past year and, as the year ends, we look back to see if we have made any progress. We also look forward to determine what things we would like to change next year. As we try to help ourselves and others have better lives, one of the most important things we can do is … Read more

Where You Have Not Been

September 13

2014-05-24 11.34.42

Brandon just returned not too long ago from being trained to do hypnosis and one of the main tenets of the training is that you cannot lead others where you have not been yourself. That is applicable to our work helping others in general. For that reason, we work hard as individuals and as an organization to be stretching ourselves consistently: growing as people and in our relationships with one another. If we as an organization cannot have healthy relationships with each other, how can we help others in their relationships? And, if we as people are not learning, growing … Read more