Half the battle when you are approaching challenging circumstances in your life is having someone alongside you who is supportive, non-judgmental, and who will help you find solutions without trying to fix the problem for you. So many times in our lives, we have people who are “trying to help” blame us or someone else for the problems and although we ourselves and/or others may have had a hand in causing our present circumstances, it does not help to have someone blame, shame or condemn. We need someone who will come alongside, acknowledge that we all have things to work on in our lives and help us seek solutions.

Other times, we may have people “trying to help” tell us exactly how to solve our problem or “take a side.” Whether that is for us or against us, that does not seem to help either. What is helpful is to have someone who takes an impartial stance to the best of their ability, seeking to support everyone involved and not taking sides.

Research in our field shows that one of the things which is the most helpful to people is the relationship they have with the person trying to help them. If the person seeking help feels supported and like they have a good relationship with the other, it is more likely that they will make progress effecting change in their life. That is our goal: coming alongside others and offering a hand, focused on finding solutions. It is that simple and it is that difficult. It is not always easy to avoid judgment and refrain from offering pat answers and advice. We must become comfortable with the fact that we do not always know the answers and we must be comfortable with the process, being patient to help people change.